Tonight I lost it on Brad. Now before you go thinking I'm a CrAzY wife let me explain. It may just be because I'm super emotional but I figured I might as well blog about it on a day where I'm feeling super sentimental about my job.
My dad always said do something you love and you'll never work a day of your life. I can honestly say I love what I do. This specific job has stretched and challenged me in so many ways but my heart has never been more full.
They always say you never really know love until you become a parent, and you guys I can't even comprehend that kind of love. My mind is blown just trying to think about it. I love my parents, sisters, and husband more than I could ever imagine and little Ella has opened my eyes to a new kind of love and she's not even mine.
This past month she has done so much growing up, and it's really bittersweet. I came home and just cried thinking back on all that her and I have been through. I started watching Ella when she was little over a month old. I remember those newborn days that were spent just snuggling. I honestly held her all day long, I couldn't get enough of her little sleepy smiles. I also remember how bad her acid reflux was and how there were some days where I would just cry because I knew she was in so much pain and I just wanted to take it all away. I remember when her pediatrician kept telling her parents she would never crawl, I worked on it with her every day just to prove him wrong, and then one day it just clicked and she was a crawling machine. Now she is 9 months old, she's standing on her own, knows how to get up the stairs, and is walking with assistance and my heart doesn't know whether to be so happy that she is thriving or sad that she is growing up way too fast.
It breaks my heart to think that one day, I'm going to have to say good-bye to someone who has become such a huge part of my life, and I think that is why I lost it. Ella is more than just a "job" to me. I sit back and think of the immense love that hopefully one day I'll get to experience with my own children. It's an overwhelming feeling to even think about, it makes my heart feel so full, that one day I will know the kind of love that parents have for their children and I hope that I never take one day for granted, because just with this little glimpse into motherhood I know it goes all too fast. Luckily I'll get to keep them for eternity! ;)
I'm so thankful to be a woman, to have the divine calling to be a mother one day. I truly know that it is the most important thing I will do while on this Earth. I feel so blessed to have a mother who loves me every single day of my life. She is the perfect example of what I wish to be to my children, an incredible mother and best friend.
I know it won't be easy but I'm 110% positive that it will be so so worth it.
