change

This past week I've had 2 people tell me that I've "changed" a lot since we moved here a little over a year ago. Usually that phrase has a negative connotation attached to it, but honestly it couldn't be more of a compliment. I knew that was what the people who told me that I had changed meant too. 

Six weeks ago I added a picture on instagram where I got real honest. This past year in Charleston has been full of struggles for me. Full of moments where the phrase "comparison is the thief of joy" couldn't have been more true. I struggled with my self confidence when I felt as all the girls around me were model material and I was just your plain Jane. I struggled figuring out where I fit in within our new ward and making and keeping friends. I struggled with watching my friends go on incredible once in a life time trips while Brad and I took on thousands of dollars in student loans and was working every single day.

I was bitter and in a really hard place in my life. I tried to hide it because that's what we as humans do. We don't want anyone thinking that we are struggling because that might put off the impression that we are weak, and who wants to be weak.

From about August 2014 to February 2015 I worked on myself A LOT. There was a lot of praying and crying going on during those 6 months. I had to get to the point where I could truly be happy. As bad as it sounds I had to stop caring about how other people acted and what they did. It took a long time for me to get there. One day it just clicked that I am the one who is in charge of my happiness. I had to stop comparing for my sanity. I couldn't let things that I couldn't control take over my happiness.

I'm so proud to be have been able to look at those people this week and say "thank you". I think rather then the word "changed" the more accurate phrase would be "you've grown a lot" because that is exactly what I have done. As hard as it was going through that dark time in my life, I'm so grateful for it because I've learned so much.

"You don't find a happy life, you make it" and that's exactly what I plan on doing. I know I will hit bumps a long the road but I'm striving to create the happiest life for Brad and I, and one day our little family.